Friday, 01 August 2003

Blind Date


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Okaaay...
So, who the heck writes upside-down?

BAT-PEOPLE?

Uh...I was kidding about that.

There aren't REALLY cave dwelling, human-bat hybrid manimals down there...are there?

Cuz, you know... I dated that ONE bat-guy in college... ...but even though I consider myself a "NIGHT PERSON" I could never really get used to those nocturnal hours.

...Or the ultra-sonic squeaks.

...And don't even get me started on BAT-PEOPLE CUISINE.

Sure, the restaurants are all-you can eat, but...

...let's just say I'm more of an old-fashioned Girl-Bot.

Monday, 04 August 2003

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Are you about DONE, POLY?

As fascinating as your ROBOT DREAM DATES may be to...well...OTHER ROBOTS,

the answer is NO.

The carvings on the TEMPLE walls were NOT created by bat-people.

In fact, they were NOT, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, created by PEOPLE at all.

Astral - out

Tuesday, 05 August 2003

The Pen is Mighty...But the DEATH RAY Kicks Butt

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Ok. Sooo...the temple carvings weren't made by PEOPLE.

Then they were made by machines? ROBOTS?

You can usually tell, because we robots tend to have excellent penmanship.

Also, we tend to write with high-powered LASERBEAM DEATH RAYS, which is kind of the big tip-off.

POLY - gone

Wednesday, 06 August 2003

Now Playing: Help Poly-256 solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Clue #94
(NEW to PolyBlog? Start this Mystery from DAY ONE - new clues are added daily, Monday-Friday)

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No.
These carvings were definitely NOT made by ROBOTs, or machines of any kind.

Look, I don't want to say any more until I'm SURE about this. If I'm right, what I have to say is going to CHANGE HISTORY on a Lot of planets - starting with EARTH.

I don't want to start a PANIC.

POLY...your Earth friends aren't reading THIS - are they?

Astral - out

Thursday, 07 August 2003

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Uh...NO!

Of course not, ASTRAL.

This is your PRIVATE HOLOBLOG, so OF COURSE I wouldn't let offworlders read your personal messages.

Because...
...that would be...WRONG!

Um...give me a nanosecond, will ya Astral?

I have to powder my nodes.

POLY - gone

PolyBlog: Behind the Scenes with Poly-256, the Robot Hostess-with-the-Most-Hits!

Friday, 08 August 2003

Just Between us Aliens
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Ok - here's the deal.

I'm going to let you EARTHLINGS keep reading ASTRAL's blog, but this is just between US...right?

Astral means well, but...

Well, she just hasn't met many Earthlings before. I mean, really, who has? It's not like you kids GET OUT of your solar system much.

Poor Astral. She still believes those old stereotypes...you know....

That you guys are all...what's that Earth expression...?

...REDNECKS?

Or was that RED SHIRTS

Anyway, I think you guys are pretty amazing.
Well...for non-robotic types.

And we've been through A LOT together...TRANS-DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL...ALIEN ARTS & CRAFTS...FART JOKES...

So I can't just abandon you now - not when we're so close to THE TRUTH

But we can't let Astral know you're still here.


So...I'm going to tell her I sent you all back to WONDERLENS. If she starts getting suspicious...

Well, we'll just have to find some way to hide you.
I know a few SECRET PASSAGES.

Ok...ready?

I'm going to blog back to Astral.



Astral...kiddo...are you still there?
 

Monday, 11 August 2003

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Oh GOOD - you're back, POLY.

I just had a chat with the Fungilans. We're going to try to open a wormhole to Earth. Ancient Earth.

I know, this is really more of a LAMPYRE specialty, but for some reason, these Lampyres get very nervous every time the Fungilans start talking about making REPAIRS or upgrades.

I swear, ONE LAMPYRE nearly fainted when a Fungilan simply offered to reset his WRISTWATCH.

Of course, the watch DID end up catching on fire. I've never seen a sundial go up in flames before.

Honestly - I didn't even know Lampyres HAD wrists...I mean - considering they're nothing but SHADOW, you really wouldn't expect them to get so TOASTY!

I did end up learning some very COLORFUL NEW WORDS in the Lampyre SHADOW PUPPET language.

For instance, did you know that means...


... oh, shooting stars...WHAT NOW?

Astral - out
 

Tuesday, 12 August 2003

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ASTRAL - for the LAST TIME - do NOT let the Fungilans FIX ANYTHING.

It DEFIES ALL LOGIC!

It's JUST WRONG!!

Just trust me on this.
I let some Fungilans "FIX" teleporter #2 and I still haven't found the last set of tourists who used it.

Well, ok...I DID find a pile of what might have ...EARS?...

Let's just say that you don't want to go poking around the Lost & Found for a while.

POLY - gone

Wednesday, 13 August 2003

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Now, POLY... I'm surprised at your silly attitude. Those old SPACE MYTHS about Fungila Monsters are just BEDTIME STORIES for the tourists.

Oh, perhaps there may be some tiny grain of TRUTH to...

...do you smell SMOKE?

Astral - out

Friday, 15 August 2003

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Astral...
For the love of GALACTUS!

For once in your fleeting, HUMANOID existence, please LISTEN to me!

In the name of all that is PURE AND GOOD - do NOT let the Fungilans open a frigging wormhole to Earth!

I LIKE Earth!

Some of our best REPEAT VISITORS are from Earth! Oh, shooting stars, Astral...

These people reading YOUR BLOG are from EARTH!

Tuesday, 26 August 2003

Poly Gone - Poly Back

Sorry - I was momentarily detained. Not even sure how long I've been GONE... in EARTH TIME.

Let's just say ASTRAL and I needed to hammer out a few minor details. Lucky for me, I've got the WAY WICKED HAMMER. No...really, I do. Very handy for opening stubborn jars and influencing old friends.

But alas, silly me, I accidentally switched our HOLOBLOG settings to "FUTURE BLOG" instead of "TODAY's BLOG".

Not sure just HOW FAR into the future I sent the blog, but I DID get back some nice comments from Vice Emperor Schwarznegger the Third, of New Mars Colony. That can't be right. Worst of all, the Empire's Seal looks suspiciously like a Starbucks logo. Remind me to stay off Mars for a few centuries.

So anyway, we’re baaa-aaack.

I'll try to re-blog the last few entries. But honestly, the only thing more worse than repeating the past is repeating the future.

Anyway...here goes...



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Hello?
Excuse me?

Poly - did you say you have PEOPLE FROM EARTH reading MY blog?!!!

Ahhh...Poly, DEAR. Didn't we agree NOT to let the E-A-R-T-H-L-I-N-G-S read my B-L-O-G?

Astral - out


Oh puh-leeze, Astral!
First of all, these E-A-R-T-H-L-I-N-G-S have EARNED the RIGHT to read this blog. This blog wouldn't BE here if it wasn't for their help!

Second...Quantum Quark, Astral. What's with the S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G out of the W-O-R-D-S?!

If these guys can READ your BLOG, I'm fairly sure they can S-P-E-L-L.

So let's just cut to the chase, shall we?
Tell us the gorey details.
 

Wednesday, 27 August 2003

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Sorry, I know I'm being an idiot.
And YES, I know I must sound completely paranoid, but you have to believe me. I've uncovered NEW INFORMATION. Or - VERY OLD information - depending on how you look at it.

And EARTH figures VERY HEAVILY into all this. Like this ANCIENT TEMPLE we just discovered.

Here, take another look, POLY. I'll blog you a holopic.


Look familiar?

Astral - out

Thursday, 28 August 2003

ascii me no Questions, I'll Tyrell you no Lies

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What the ?!

Was that photo supposed to be some kind of INKBLOT test, ASTRAL?

TELL me you're NOT pulling a VOIGHT-KAMPFF because for the LAST time, I DO have a personality...in fact, I have several terrabytes of personality, so stop trying to trip me up!

I mean, jeez, I saw BLADE RUNNER too, but that was just a MOVIE, for pixel's sake. And I may be a robot, but I DO have feelings.

So you can take your trippy little snapshots and....

...wait a nanosec.

Astral...Blog me another photo. Take it from a bit further back...and rotate it 180 degrees.
 

Continue to Month 5 (September)